I've got that funny feeling in my head - you know, the one you get when you're not quite sure where you are, where you're going, or if you even really want to go. I'm sitting at my desk here in London; it's pretty much the only semi-organized thing in my room right now. And it's just funny because my bedroom really does seem to reflect the state of my mind at the moment. The fact that the room is a mess is because I'm moving out of here in a week, and am trying to pack up before crunch time. As for my head, well, that's entirely explanable by the fact that as this scholastic year nears its finale at the end of exams, I'm faced with anything but relaxation. In fact, rather than R&R, the summer months bring me with 50-hr work weeks, yet another course, and study time for perhaps the most important test of my life - the LSATs. In a nutshell, this summer marks the point of real necessity...I'm faced with having to make some hard decisions about what I want to do with this life of mine, and subsequently figure out some priorities. I suppose I've already made one choice. The fact that I'm actually bothering with summer school pretty much commits me to my Certificate in Ethics. Without the certificate, there's no need for the summer school. So I've already made that judgement call. From what I've been hearing from my boss over at Enbridge, it's gonna be some "chunky" work this summer. As if I haven't already been challenged at work the past 2 summers, Mark has decided that it's time to teach me a little bit about law, and give me a chance to really test the waters. That, compounded by the fact that I have to write the LSATs next year and hence have to study this summer, is pretty much going to make, or break, what has been a lifelong goal of mine.

I have this scrapbook thing that my mom started for me when I was little...it's basically a scrapbook of my years at school. Every year, there was a little space where I got to specify "what I wanted to be when I 'grew up'". The book listed a whole bunch of options with little checkboxes beside them, naming off choices like "teacher", "police officer", "doctor"...but ever since I was 9 or 10, I created my own little checkbox - Lawyer. So, sitting here, a full decade later, and faced with the very real possibility of getting that ball rolling scares the shit out of me. Between my less than stellar academic performance of my university career, and the nature of the months ahead, who knows if I'll be able to actually materialize this dream of mine. I've been dreaming about this since I was 10...if it doesn't happen for me, I seriously do not know what to do with my life. I really don't know what I'd want to do. And that scares me.

Ugh. And I'm frustrated and annoyed with a whole bunch of other things, but I'm not quite sure I want to talk about them. Frankly, I've already bored myself with this blogging. I'm abandoning it. Sorry.